A boy tells his parents that a bus conductor turned him off the bus home for not having a ticket. The story gets out of control and the conductor, a war veteran with memory problems, is harassed until events take a tragic turn.

Augie comes out of prison and finds his old vice racket has been taken over by the sinister Gollar, so he dreams up a new scam.

A group of men from a London pub are going on a darts team outing to Boulogne. Various members of the party have different reasons for going and get involved in various adventures.

Thieves disguised as soldiers plan to use a bomb scare as part of their plan to rob a bank.

The Huggett family go to a holiday camp, and get involved in crooked card players, a murderer on the run, and a pregnant young girl and her boyfriend missing from home.

Phillip Calvert is a British Treasury secret service agent assigned to stop the ruthless pirating of millions in gold bullion off the western coast of the Scottish highlands. His search takes him to the small port town of Torbay on the Isle of Torbay where numerous fishing boats, yachts and people have been mysteriously disappearing. A trail of deceit and subterfuge leads him to Cypriot tycoon and shipping magnate Sir Anthony Skouras and his beautiful wife, Charlotte aboard their luxury yacht anchored off the coast, who may hold the answers to the truth.

Heironymus Merkin is an internationally successful singer approaching middle age who retells his life story in a series of production numbers on a seashore in front of his two toddlers and aged mother. Merkin's promiscuous relationships with women are explored, particularly Polyester Poontang and the adolescent Mercy Humppe. Merkin is constantly surrounded by a Satan-like procurer, Goodtime Eddie Filth, and an angelic 'Presence' who interrupts Merkin's biography with cryptic Borscht Belt-level jokes to denote births and deaths in Merkin's life. Newley periodically steps out of character to complain about his 'Merkin' role with an unseen director, two screenwriters, the film's producers and a trio of blasé movie critics who are turned off by the story's eroticism and lack of plot.

Film of the expedition.

A London family sets off for the annual hop-picking in Kent.