The Onion

Venerable newscaster Norm Archer reports the latest news in politics, health, culture and entertainment - such as an automotive recall of decapitation-inducing "Neckbelts" and a study finding that "depression hits losers hardest". This compilation of bogus news stories, celebrity profiles, movie trailers and skits come courtesy of the ace satirists at The Onion.

The journalists at the Onion News Network will do anything to stay at the top of their game. And if they can't find a great story, they'll create one.

While other media outlets bring you news as it happens, only the Onion News Network has the power to bring you the news before it happens. In the year 2137 a catastrophe has reduced the world to a lawless wasteland — food and water are scarce, social institutions have crumbled, and a screaming, tattooed thug has been installed as the president of what remains of the United States.

A mockumentary from the team at "America's Finest News Source" The Onion, which chronicles the life and crimes of Jeffrey Epstein and associates (such as Donald Trump, who promised to release the Epstein Files until he was told he was in them).